Soulmate Skills

It’s bound to happen.  Somewhere along the path of your relationship, your partner will feel some insecurity.  It might be externally triggered–like by a flirtatious other.  Or it might be internally generated–like by an old hurt that resurfaces.  You might feel puzzled how to handle it.  Jim knew just what to do:  Effusive Reassurance.  Here are his words to me in his April 1989 letter:  “I sensed your insecurity during our telephone conversation this morning.  I want to tell you again in no uncertain terms, without any equivocation whatever.  I want only you.  No other woman.  Ever.  You are woman enough for me.  There’s no need for anything else.  You are complete for me.  But anyway, I’m committed to monogamy and fidelity.  It’s the only thing that seems to work.  We need the focus of our fusion generator  ‘Openness’ dissipates our sexual energies.  Not only that, it endangers our relationship.  I want to safeguard it against any threat.”  That fabulous man assured me two fundamental things that set my mind to rest:  1)  He held the value of exclusiveness in our relationship.  And he had a good reason–he wanted to vouchsafe we’d have as much closeness as possible.  2) He valued me above all others.  I was it.  So, those elements are what you’ll need to include in your response to your partner’s insecurity.  They’re powerfully reassuring.