Soulmate Skills

Want to have more energy?  We’re not going to suggest caffeine or exercise.  The secret is in your mind.  You just need to get free from your Inner Critic.  That’s the part of you that saps you of all your Natural Self energy.  Start identifying your Inner Critic shoulds, then do a releasing statement* for each one.  You will liberate the incredible energy within you.  You’ll experience your own aliveness.  We’re backing you all the way.*

For more on how to get free, read Disarming Your Inner Critic by James Elliott, Ph.D., & Kathryn Elliott, Ph.D.  It’s available here on our website and at amazon.com.  It’s packed with releasing statements to equip you to get free.

High Self-Esteem: Valuing yourself and having positive feelings for yourself.  In our counseling practice, we love to give people the secret to it.  We want to give it to you now.  We call it Anthetic self-esteem.  You can have it by unconditionally loving and accepting yourself.  You’ll have to make a place in your self-concept for every little thing in yourself.  Fear.  I accept that.  Anger.  I accept that too.  Awkwardness.  I love myself and accept that too.  It doesn’t matter what comes up, just love yourself and accept that too.  You’ll walk into your day knowing you’re acceptable and loved just as you are.*

*For more on increasing your self-esteem, see our book Disarming Your Inner Critic, James Elliott & Kathryn Elliott.  It’s here on our sidebar and at amazon.com.

Middle of the night worries.  Most of us have them from time to time.  We want to help you understand, and better yet, handle them.  To understand: Such uneasiness comes from your Inner Critic. It pounces when we are vulnerable.  Tells us how defective or guilty we are.  Or predicts disaster for our plans.  What to do:  Challenge it–”This is my Inner Critic talking.  I’m not going to believe a word it says.”  We want you to have a good night’s sleep.*

*For more on worry, see p. 158, Disarming Your Inner Critic, byJames Elliott & Kathryn Elliott, available here on our Products tab and at amazon.com.

Want to be happy?  You need to know that your Inner Critic doesn’t want you to be happy.  It wants you to be safe.  Safe from what it sees as dangers of your becoming free.  And it’s willing to constrict your life in order to keep you safe.  That is, what it thinks of as “safe.”  That Inner Critic-created safety comes at a price.  It will tell you to hold back; don’t take risks; don’t put yourself out there in the world.  Once you know this, you can make a choice:  Do I want to be safe, or do I want to be happy?  If you choose “happy,” you’ll be choosing to make those connections your Natural Self wants.  You’ll follow your sparks.  We want you to be happy.*

For more on how to be happy and free from your Inner Critic, see Disarming Your Inner Critic by James Elliott & Kathryn Elliott.  You can get it here on our Products page and at www.amazon.com.

Do you say, “It’s just natural to be angry”?  Or “Who wouldn’t feel bad in those circumstances”? Or even, “It’s normal to want your own space a lot”?  That’s conventional wisdom about emotional pain.  But that’s not what we say in Anthetic Psychology.  Sure, such feelings are common to us as humans.  But they’re not something we just have to live with; nor just wait until they pass.  Such feelings as anger, an impulse to distance, and other painful feelings are clues to a reactive structure driving those bad feelings.  Most often, your Inner Critic is pouncing.  Then too other inner figures are involved, such as a disempowered figure or an entitled figure.  That’s what our counseling work addresses.  That’s what our book, Disarming Your Inner Critic, empowers you to get free from.  You never again have to buy the explanation that your upset feelings are just natural.

“Are you going to put that much salt in the stew?”  Jim asked me.  I puffed up defensively.  “I’ve been cooking this dish for years!  I’ve always put this much salt.”  I was proud of being a good cook.  So, I was ready for an argument when Jim asked his question.  I know I’m not alone in this.  There’s also, “I’m proud of my ability to make money;” “I’m proud of how I keep house;” even “I’m proud of being a caring person.”  While pride may seem like a worthy goal, it can also have some drawbacks.  Because pride is a buffer.  Something that props up our self-esteem.  We rely on it to keep our Inner Critic at bay.  And there’s the problem.  We’ll defend the object of our pride to the death.  If we didn’t have that buffer, we’d feel all the pain the Inner Critic can inflict:  “You’re imperfect.”  “You’re defective.”  In fact, “You’re inferior.”  That’s why we’ll argue about it with out partner.  Want to nip that argument in the bud?  1) Recognize that your defensiveness is a clue that this item is not just something you like about yourself.  It’s a buffer.  2) See that there’s an Inner Critic should attached to it.  For example, “I should be a perfect cook.”  3) Get free from obeying the should.  Say to your Inner Critic, “I have the right to be an imperfect cook.  In fact, a bad cook!”  Do these things, and peace will reign in your house.  Not only that, you might learn a thing or two from your partner.

Are you feeling stuck?  Does every day seem to be the same-old thing? Every relationship end up in the same dead end?  Here’s why: You’re living by your Inner Critic’s commands.  It’s the part of you that keeps you stuck.  So any feeling or impulse that could enhance your life gets immediately condemned, rejected, and submerged.  You’ve limited your options.  In short, your life is constricted.  Take heart.  We’re here to teach you to get free from Inner Critic living.  You can start now.  Take back your rights:  “I have the right to be Tender in expressing love; to be Tough enough to make requests; to be Self-Sufficient enoughto manage on my own when needed; to be Dependent enough to seek a heart connection.  In fact, I have the right to be expansive; to step out into my life in whatever way I choose.”  There!  Do you feel your spirit uncramping?*

*Disarming Your Inner Critic will give you much more help in getting unstuck.  Click on our Products tab above or get it at amazon.com.

This day honors Martin Luther King, Jr., prophet and champion of a dream.  He dreamed of a society where people love each other and care for each other–no exclusions.  In Anthetic Psychology, we too have a dream.  We dream of a society where people are equipped with the concepts and skills it takes to dismantle judgmentalism, anger, and vengefulness.  And we are offering those skills for achieving that dream.  In our book, Disarming Your Inner Critic* (James Elliott & Kathryn Elliott), we lay out step-by-step how to do just that.  As we say in our book, once judgmentalism, anger, and vengefulness are processed, “love is liberated; once love is liberated, caring can occur; once love-based caring occurs, people can live in loving harmony with each other.”  Won’t you join us?  We can make this dream come true. 

*Disarming Your Inner Critic (Anthetics Institute Press) is available here on our Products page and at amazon.com.

It’s December 22.  They’re reminding us, “Only three more days till Christmas.”  It’s enough to get you feeling frantic.  Have I bought enough?  We want to help you with this.  First, recognize that the holidays offer our Inner Critic a perfect opportunity to impose shoulds on us.  You know those thoughts and feelings that surround Christmas: gift shoulds, relationship shoulds, activity shoulds.  As we say in our book, Disarming Your Inner Critic, you have to realize the Inner Critic only has power if you believe it.  So our guidance to you this holiday is, Shed the Shoulds!  For starters, take back your rights:  “I have the right not to buy anything else.”  “I have the right not to visit; not to stay longer than I want.”  “I have the right only to do what gives me pleasure.”  There.  You’re on your way to peace.

Guilt feelings.  Let’s put it bluntly.  They’re destructive to you.  Why?  Because they disempower you.  Their purpose is to keep you in your place.  So you won’t get too big for your britches.  Keep you from making requests.  Not “burdening” others or “intruding” on them.  When you’re guided by guilt feelings in a relationship, you twist yourself into a pretzel.  Can’t say no.  Can’t express who you are.  Then you start feeling trapped.  Suffocated.  And very angry.  This results in a tragic loss for your relationships.  A loss of vitality.  The magnificence of who you are gets squelched.  What to do?  Don’t trust your feelings of guilt.  Get free from your Inner Critic shoulds to be self-effacing.  Our book, Disarming Your Inner Critic, will give you the skills to achieve this.  We’re here to help you get free.