Soulmate Skills

Are we convinced that you should search for a soulmate?  Or should you wait passively, as in the Taoist principle of  non-interference, called wu-wei?  Five years after we married, Jim chronicled his active search for me:  “I began my search for you in 1941, in Detroit, little knowing that you hadn’t been born yet.  Let’s skip to November 1951, the first time there was a possibility of finding you.  In that month, I was back in the Navy in Pensacola, still searching.  You weren’t there.”  His letter follows his journey to California in the 1960s; to his master’s program in 1985; then finally to his doctoral program in 1989:  “By now I had a list of criteria.  And then there you were, sitting next to me in Curlew [our meeting room].  The more I found out about you, the more I realized it was you!  And so I began to fall in love with you.”  As for me, I had given up on ever finding a soulmate; had in fact, become cynical about love.  Yet, as I walked into that meeting room to begin my doctoral program, some locked-away part of me, the soulmate part, came alive.  She saw Jim.  She rejected all those empty chairs at a respectable distance from the only person yet in the room.  She sat in the chair next to him.  She had found her man.  As we step back from our individual stories to share with you, here’s what we see:  We were both actively pursuing our dream–getting our doctorate.  And we each had a longing for a soulmate that could not be quelled.  So, there’s no stopping it.  Whether or not your mind will admit it, your heart will be searching.  We recommend you equip yourself by reading our booklet, “Establishing Criteria for a Life Partner,” available on our sidebar.  Your mind and heart will be ready to recognize your soulmate.

“Romantic love just naturally fades.”  “Romantic love is an anesthetic that wears off after the honeymoon.”  “Soulmates!  No such thing.”  These are all cynical comments.  We’re sure you’ve heard them.  What you may not have known is that cynicism is generated by the Inner Critic.  It leads you to think that finding and achieving a loving depth connection is idealistic.  And predicts that such love is something you could never accomplish.  Cynicism needs to be challenged like any other Inner Critic belief.  Here are a few challenges to get you started on getting free:  “I have the right to be what you call idealistic.”  “What do you know about love?  You’re just an Inner Critic.  A negative part of me.  You don’t have a loving bone in your body!”  “I choose love.  Romantic love.  Soulmate love.”*  You’re on your way!

See p. 262 of Disarming Your Inner Critic for more on cynicism.  It’s available on our Products page and at amazon.com.