Love Letters 003
January 24, 1989 From Jim to Kathry
Dear Kathy Jo,
Your wonderful letter arrived today, and I drank it in. I love feedback from you; for example, about the security guard at the airport. To me that seemed quite ordinary, what I did; your writing about it gave me a new perspective on myself.
New topic. As boys, we men learn about things like electric motors, and I want to suggest a metaphor. A motor needs what is called a load–some work to do. Otherwise, it spins and spins and quickly burns itself out. With a load, the motor is fulfilled, so to speak. You are that for me: a something (I surely don’t want to call you a load) that receives what I offer, that affirms and welcomes it, that provides a place for it (as a woman has a secret loving place for a man’s sperm).
And I don’t have to spin uselessly; you are willing to receive what I offer. And I do the same for you; I receive your fullness. And as we do this mutually, we are both enriched, and little tender green shoots in each of us are drawn forward and encouraged to grow, basking in the other’s acceptance, soaking up the life-giving waters the other gives.
Now, if we want to continue doing this, and I think we do, it will require taking risks, and I want to encourage both of us to do that. What I’m saying is that I want us to take even more risks–say things about which we might think, Oh I couldn’t say that! Risk making mistakes. risk triggering stuff in the other person (because we’re willing to work on it). As an example of my risk-taking, I mean the sentence above where I talk about sperm. Will she feel repelled? Will she misunderstand? Maybe I should tone it down.
Now, if you ever feel uncomfortable with anything I say or write, I want you to tell me. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. In connection with this, I want to say that there is something else I can give you, something that will indeed strengthen you. It is the ideas, concepts, principles, and skills that I have learned in my work. They are designed expressly to give people strength and structure to handle very deep, very intense feelings.
Thank you for telling me about the place deep inside you where I live. I have such a strong sense of that.
And here’s a poem from my scrapbook I’d like to share with you. It’s by Brendan Gill:
Wicklow
Things by our sharing them put on sacredness. Even an ill chance can make holy for us places and occasions. See how these hills are hallowed by our having been lost among them? We walked in merriment till we were tired, lay down, and slept them into being blest.
Isn’t that nice?
The ending of your letter was so warming for me. I do want to be priest-like for you; daddy; friend; your love; and especially your soul-mate. And perhaps at times your little child (when I need comforting), your mentor and teacher (as you are mine), your stalwart companion in our great work.
I love you,
Jim
