Soulmate Skills

“We say, ‘I’m sorry,’” she told me.  “But it’s getting old.  Because nothing changes.  We just hurt each other again.  So my question is, what do you say after you say, ‘I’m sorry’?”  I loved her question and felt her pain.  No one taught us how to do relationships.  And often our models (e.g., our parents and other relatives) had no clue how to relate intimately either.  So, I’m reaching into Jim’s and my treasure trove of things we learned for crafting intimate relationships and answering her question.   It was featured in my KLFY TV 10 Sunday morning segment of Passe Partout, “Dr. Kathryn Elliott: On Relationships.”  In case you missed the answer this morning, here is the heart of it. Say 5 words, “That was just my stuff.” Then bottom line it: “Bottom line is I love you and I think you’re a good person.” Say these simple words, and you’ll be on your way to reconnection and closeness.

She walked across the campus greeting each person with a smile and a bright “Good Morning!”  With only one exception she received a grunt, “Uh,” in reply!  To the one person who returned her smile and greeting, she said, “How are you?”  He said, “Blessed!”  She agreed with him, “Me too!”  The lesson I see for us is not that we have to always be smiling.  It’s that we have a choice to be happy.  We can exercise that choice by connecting with each other.  We can recognize that we are blessed in this amazing way:  love is always ready to flow through us to others.  Today, try greeting each person you meet.  Let love flow through you.  Have a blessed day.

“Our Word backed by the power of our assertiveness and our intention shapes what happens.”  (James Elliott to Kathryn, 1989)